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"I dint have nothing to say about it all I cud do were sit there and be a crowd of 1 to watch whatever he were going to show. He fittit up all parper the same as if I ben 40 peopl. When he had his self all ready he said, "Now you ask Mr Punch if hes ready."
Goodparley wer out of site in the fit up and I were sat there staring at it.
I said, "Wel Mr Punch this woal crowd is waiting for you." Thinking on Lissener and Belnot Phist which I began to feel not too easy. "Be you coming up to show?" I said.
There come a little salty voyce out of the fit up it weren't a voyce Id ever heard befor yet it were a voyce I knowit somehow it wernt no stranger to me. Salty and sharp like if a game cock wud talk. It said, "Showing right now. Wot a beauty."
A little hy womans voyce said, "Cor! Whatre you going to do with that girt big thing Mr Punch?"
Mr Punchs voyce said, "Come a little closer and Iwl show you."
I said, "Mr Punch whynt you show your girt big thing up here so every 1 can see it?"
Punchs voyce said, "Do my best showing down be low. Rrrrrrr!" He made a noise like a cock fessing taking off.
I said, "Cant you make your down be low up here?"
Punchs voyce said, "I can all ways get it up you bes stan wel back here I come." Up he shot then and zanting a bout with a longish flat stick it were paintit red and wite and it were split flatways so it were a dubbl flat stick. You cud hear the whack of it and feel the smack of it jus looking at it. My Mr Punch what I dug out of the muck he were all black with rot but this 1 were all brite and sharp colourt. Face all pinky rosey and brite blue eyes he wer swanking in red and green and yeller cloes and a pointy red hat with a yeller wagger on it. Zanting a bout and saying, "Ah putta putta putta ah putta putta way." Looking roun all sharp and brite and waving his stick.
I said,"Is that your girt big thing?"
Punch said, "Yes this is my 1 big 1 its good for every il. If youre sick itwl make you wel."
I said, "What if youre wel?"
Punch said, "No bodys wel or I wunt have this stick wud I. It's a needful stick you see so every 1 mus nead it."
I said, "Its not what I thot itwd be."
Punch said, "That's what they all say til they get use to it. All it takes is a little getting use to. Ask Pooty."
I said, "Whos Pooty?"
Punch callt, "Oy! Pooty!"
The little hy womans voice said, "whats happening?"
Punch said, "Don't talk stupid its happent all ready."
Pootys voyce said, "If its happent all ready you dont need me do you."
Punch said, "Gennl man wants to see you."
Pootys voice said, "If hes a gennl man he dont want to see me and if he wants to see me he aint no gennl man."
Punch said, "Hes a frend."
Pootys voyce said, "Frends all ways want it for nothing I ratherwd have a clynt."
Punch said, "whats a clynt?"
Pootys voyce said, "Clynts are binses and binses comes before pleasur."
Punch said, "Whats your pleasur then?"
Pootys voyce said, "Binses."
Punch said, "And whats your binses?"
Pootys voyce said, "what ever they can think of."
Punch said, "What can they think of?"
Pootys voyce said, "Its mostly the same thing."
Punch said, "What thing is that?"
Pooty comes up then she says "Swossage!" Shes a sow she don't have no cloes jus pink and nekkit only a little frilly cap tyd unner her chin. Shes carrying some thing looks like an iron sossage only its got a dubble fish tail. Like if youwd fevver a arrer up and down and crossways boath. The other end has like a nippl sticking out of it. "Swossage!" says Pooty.
Punch has a good look at it he says, "Theres a parper banger for you les have a fry up."
Pooty says, "Iwl fetch the babby and the frying pan."
Punch says,"Never mynd the babby there aint a nuff swossage to go roun."
Pooty says, "You know how he likes a bit of swossage."
Punch says, "Hes too yung for swossage give him the tit."
Pooty says, "Boan dry."
Punch says, "Give him the boan then."
Pooty says, "Et it our selfs dint we. Cruncht the boan and suckt the marrer."
Punch says, "Then tell the babby no suck ter day. Suck ter marrer."
Pooty says, "You mynd the swossage wylst I fetch him."
Punch says. "Yes I wil Iwl mynd that swossage."
Pooty looks at me then she says, "Now I want you to keap a eye on Mr Punch I want you to give me a shout if he has a go at that swossage." She puts the sossage on the play board.
I said, "All right Iwl do that." "

(transcript to be continued...)

Yes Sharky's a right twat and he should stick to his Graham/Booblitz/Kierky peer group over there, the goof club... In the meantime the Punch and Judy show must go on, in honour of former poster Groinpuller...

"Pootys down then Punch grabs the sossage he terns his back to me and arga warga. I yelt, "Pooty!" but its too late becaws Punch terns roun agen and that sossage is all gone.
Up comes Pooty with the frying pan and the babby which it's a little pink piglet. Pooty says to Punch, "You've et that swossage haven't you."
Punch says, "No I dint."
I said, "O yes you did."
Punch says, "O no I dint."
I said, "O yes you did."
Pooty says, "Never mynd Iwl see if I can fynd a nother swossage." She hans the babby to Punch she says, "You look after him wil you wylst Im gone."
Punch is running his eye up and down that piglet he says, "O yes Iwl look after him hewl be in good hands. You bes be off now after that swossage it's a long time since Ive had any."
Pooty says to me, "Youwl give me a shout wont you if theres any nead."
I said, "O yes Iwl do that."
Pootys off then and Punch is holding the babby. Punch says, "Youwl be good wont you. You wont cry will you."
The babby don't say nothing.
Punch says to the babby, "Les walky walky." He puts the babby down and backs off a little. Hols out his arms and says, "Walky walky."
The babby that little pink piglet slyds tords him like it were on a string. Grey morning lite and candls still lit in there. Shadders wivvering and wayvering on the smoak and flames paintit on the back cloth. Punchs head wer a solid piece of wood but looking at him I begun to think his joars myt open wide. "O what a good babby," says Punch. O how I hoapit that babby were going to stay good nor not to give him no bother.
Punch puts the babby back where he startit. He says, "Walky walky" agen.
"Wah!" says the babby.
Punch whacks the play board with his stick. "Don't cry," says Punch to the babby. "You look so terbel juicy when youre crying."
"Wah!" says the babby. "Wah wah wah."
Punch grabs that littl pink piglet and I yelt,"Pooty!"
Pooty up then and grabbing the babby as wel. Shes pulling on 1 arm and Punch on the other it looks like theyre going to tear that little pig in 2 pieces. Punch lets go of the babby he grabs his stick and hes beating Pooty and the babby. Pootys yelling, "Ow ow ow!" and the babbys screaming, "Wah wah wah!" until Punch beats them qwyet. Theyre boath dead then Punch has beat the life out of them. He puts them both in the frying pan they don't fit too wel and hanging over the sides but hes frying them the bes he can.
Up comes a ugly bloke he don't look like any kind of good news for Punch. Hes got a hang tree which he sets it up on the play board. He says, "Jack Ketch is who I am which Im the Loakel Tharty roun here I thot I heard a woman frying."
"My wife," says Punch.
"She's a beauty," says Jack Ketch. "Iwl have a bit of that."
"shes mine," says Punch, "Eat your oan wife."
"I heard a babby frying and all," says Jack Ketch. Hes got his nose pernear in that frying pan he don't ½ look hungry.
"My babby," says Punch. "Fynd your oan."
"You bes share with me or Iwl have you up for it," says Jack Ketch.
"Im hy a nuff all ready I don't nead no upping," says Punch.
"you shudve thot of that befor you come hitting piggy side," says Jack Ketch hes readying the roap on his hang tree.
"You mean bacon side," says Punch.
Jack Ketch says, "If a dead pig is bacon whats a dead Punch?"
Punch says, "You wont ever see a dead Punch Im too old to dy."
"This heres a magic tree itwl make you yung a nuff," says Jack Ketch hes patting his hang tree.
"Im too ripe for that," says Punch. "The fruit dont go from the groun to the tree."
Jack Ketch says, "Youwl get back to the groun soon a nuff I wont keap you long only til youre dead dead dead." He takes his hang tree in boath hans and trying to catch Punch in the loop of the roap.
"You wont keap me at all," says Punch. "Becaws Iwl whack you on the head head head." Hes whacking Jack good with his stick he finishes him qwick he says, "Nor will I keap you nyther" and he flings him a way.
"Oy!" says a voice and up jumps Mr Clevver he looks jus the same as Mr Clevver in the Eusa show hes got the same red face and littl poynty beard and the horns and all.
Punch looking at him sharp and scanful he says to Mr Clevver, "Who myt you be?"
Mr Clevver says, "I myt be the Pry Mincer of Binland and I myt be the Hard Bitchup of Cantser Belly only I aint. Who I acturely am is Drop John the Foller Man which they call me Mr On The Levvil as wel."
Punch says, "Don't let me keap you parbly you've got binses elser."

(transcription to be continued...)