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Let me point out that in the future, I will be referred to as The Poster Who Is Not Adeq Or Red Wings 75. Please note your files accordingly. I am sure you remember all my great posts about the taste of water, the color of soil, and that time I double-parked in a prominent Canadian city not beginning with "T." As for my shenanigans at the Chatham-fest, I must ask that you please tie them up tightly and send them to Jennifer Granholm.

The Top Ten Things Which Prove I am Not A Quadruped Ruminant:

1. The Treaty Of San Marino.

2. The tendency of rubber doormats, to, well kind of, you know.

3. I am either banned or not banned from the Friends Of Ruby Dhalla board. OH WHY DID IT HAVE TO HAPPEN (OR NOT HAPPEN?)

4. The internet is both a good and bad thing, because you can press buttons, and, basically, Jimmy Olsen and Clark Kent. (And YOU KNOW WHO I'M TALKING ABOUT, RUPERTPUPKIN78!!)

5. Have you seen my Aunt Anastasia? I think she might have turned into a ranch house near Sarnia. Or plasma.

6. I had to call out the exponents of the McGuinty Tomato Tesseract Theory, for they were vexing me greatly. SORBETS AND WHIRLIGIGS, DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

7. I used to post on Bittzy's board, but then there was that issue with the scalene triangles and pyrite emulsions. Yes, I drive a sort of Volkswagen, but it has theremins and Alpha Centauri.

8. YOU CANNOT BAN JACK OR BERNARD LORD WITH PRAYER!!

9. I take my daughters to canals and Pez conventions. DEAL WITH IT!!

10. When I drive on the 401, usually the clouds are red and frangible, and the edamame is rumbustious. You understand, unless you're still listening to THAT GUY WHO WAS STANDING BEHIND THE FERN!!